Somewhere between the stress of exams and the stress of growing up is a quiet realization that slowly creeps in. It starts off when your dad or your mom gets a small ailment. That small ailment is the trigger of the role reversal, where you slowly stop being the child and start becoming the parent of your parents.
I don’t know how exactly to explain this feeling. So I will go with a personal experience. My sister and I got really lucky with our parents – as I am sure many children feel about theirs, too – and unfortunately, some may not relate. Love and hugs.
My parents always treated us like adults as we grew up. One thing I really appreciate about them is their willingness to adapt, to change perceptions, and to understand the world as it evolves. This changed our dynamic from parent-child to somewhat friendship as we grew older. We loved hanging out. Grabbing meals. Exploring the world. Drinking together. Clicking silly pictures together. Trying new recipes. It was almost like a movie montage of all the good moments.
But one day, something small, even unnoticed, happens. And you start to grieve your parents before they are gone. The sad part is, they don’t let you see it. They pretend it’s okay. They act like everything is fine, and for the most part, they believe it. I still remember my mom, having gone through chemotherapy and being cancer-free for 3 years, came to visit me and my husband and me in Canada. She still cooked meals for us when we were running late. She’d still come into my home office and bring cut-up fruit as a snack. Or my dad still asking me how I am doing, despite going through his own hardships at the moment.
@sukmin.s on TikTok shares:
I’m grieving them while they’re still here, grieving the version of them that felt permanent, like they’d always be here to take care of me. And I hate knowing one day I’ll walk into a quiet house and realize that the love that raised me was never endless. It was just selfless.
Sukmin shares exactly how I feel, put so eloquently.
We’re all growing up and all in our phases of life. And our parents never made us feel we had to look back on them and feel this way. Yet the feeling exists. Because they’ve done such a good job embedding their love and care into our daily lives, we fear the lack of it in the future, no matter how old we are.
To Amma and Appa – you are the most amazing parents and friends Akka and I could have ever asked for. We love you forever and always appreciate your love, care, upbringing, and friendship.
THE IDLE MIND 